It is after 4 am on jan 15th 2008. She’s dead. On September 23rd 2007 she died. I still sit awake at night saying that over and over, in disbelief. I am forgetting things about her now, and pound my head with my hand in disgust. For thinking about something other than her, I sob. Tears run down my face like raindrops flowing down the windshield of a car. It is uncontrollable. I hate myself for not treating her like I should have at times. The guilt overwhelms my body and seeps from my pores. How do I tell her I am sorry. I am so sorry. Words cannot explain, do justice, or even remotely illuminate how sorry I am. I love you.