Lifting the casket I still didn't believe that it was her. My mind isn't able to grasp the reality of this situation. I'm so lost with everything right now and I hope that one day I will be able to make some sense to this nightmare. This is worse than a nightmare because I won't wake up to her again. At least a nightmare passes. I wonder if this place we call home is in fact hell. Loved ones are taken constantly, every day, and I wonder if they are taken from this place to somewhere without pain...without the suffering...without the feelings of guilt and regret. Why are wonderful, exuberant, amazing people taken when other terrible, worthless people continue to roam the world without purpose. I don't buy into the theory that everyone has a specific plan and purpose. At least not right now. Although looking back at everything, and knowing that I always felt this way maybe I was in fact destined to meet her and love her and she was meant to teach me everthing that she did. I spent years unable
To care for myself. It was always me nurturing and loving something or someone other than myself. It was me trying to be the best person I could be for her. I think that the reason why Meliss came into my life was because of the lesson that is so hard for me to admit now. It is so obvious and everything has alligned to such a specific thought that it makes it so much easier for me to understand that there was a reason for us to meet. I just wish there was a way for me to see it and for her to be here. I hate that this was the way that made me see it. I hate that she is gone and there is nothing I can do about it. I hate that I will never hear her again or feel her again.