Look at that beautiful human being. Such an angel, and such a tragedy for her to be taken away from this earth. It is devastating. This isn't happening...fuck. This can't be true. There is no way this is reality. How. I can't do this. I can't deal with not seeing her or hearing her. How can I? Why is this fucking world so god damn cruel. My melissie is gone and not coming back. How do I do this??? It hurts so much.

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I wish I was dead and she was breathing.


I don't understand anything right now. I go through times, whether it be a day, or even hours, where I am totally and completely numb and other times where I just weep. I don't want to move on from this. When I feel this pain it makes me feel closer to her and I am scared of moving on because I don't want to lose this feeling. How is any of this real? Saturday felt like the worst nightmare. The only thing I remember is carrying the casket, and then watching the casket get covered with dirt and grass.