I am coming home soon, the excitement is almost palpable and I can hardly sit still. I am excited to go to the cemetery and talk to her.  I know she isn't there.  Something is inherently wrong with saying I am excited to go to the cemetery, but its true.  I want to sit her grave site and talk to her. Maybe going there will make it real.  I am just so tired of going to sleep only hoping that when I wake I will realize that this has been all one terrible nightmare.