I haven't written here in a while, and it probably has to do with being back home and enduring the intensity of the holidays.  Christmas was entirely too difficult to deal with, but I got through it, and enjoyed sitting and being home with my family.  I have been bombarded with the question of what I am doing for new years quite a bit lately, as is customary around this time of year, but I really do not want to do anything.  Last year I worked on New Years until about 10 and went home to find Meliss at home waiting for me, so we could spent the rest of that night together.  When I am able to separate those memories from these days, and realize that tonight is just another night, one of thousands that will make up the rest of my life.  Separating the realities is difficult though, and something that I still have yet to accomplish.  I imagine I will force myself out tonight with friends, forcing a smile, and pretending like I am fine.  Everything is so dependent on how I feel in that exact moment when I am asked to go out though, so it is impossible to make plans in advance.  For now, I am going to go and enjoy this 70 degree weather and cool breeze.