I grasp to remember everything possible about her so that I can write it down and never forget. I am so afraid that I will lose memories over time that I have been feverishly writing every possible moment I had with her. The way her nostrils would flare when she spoke....seeing her drive away in the prius cab and giving me a peace sign....hearing her whistle to me when she was downstairs so that I could come and let her in....exploring and walking through the entire city.....walking down the steps in work and seeing her sitting there drinking a shirley temple, waiting for me to get off work....hearing her call me 'honeypie'. It is an endless stream of memories that fill my head all day long. I can not believe that this is reality. It seems as if it was yesterday that we were waking up on saturday mornings to go walk to breakfast and to the farmers market. I don't know what I will do now. The reality that many live with is a lie. The reality of this world is cruel and cold.