All I want is to be is back to where everything made sense. Things are much to difficult this way. I can't remember the last time I felt rested, or relaxed. I have been in a constant state of movement, starting with that evening on the 30th of July, when I found out what had happened. She was supposed to call me when she got back from San Francisco, and when I didn't hear from her on sunday I simply thought that she was still on her way home and had not gotten a chance to call yet. When I got off work on monday and still had not yet heard from her I began to worry, but I never in my lifetime would have imagined this would have happened. When I finally found out what happened monday afternoon, I collapsed on the floor. A few months later, and I still haven't gotten back to my feet.