If Gil can steal it, so can I

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there. There are these things called shark attacks, but in fact, there is no such thing as a shark attack.  Just hear me out and you'll realize that no one has ever witnessed a real shark attack or been victim to one.
I know you're making a weird face as you're reading this.  A shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We're humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you're swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that's called trespassing. That is not a shark attack. A shark attack is if you're chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that's a shark attack.   If you're chilling in the water and swimmin' around, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it's like, "There have been 10 shark attacks," I'm like, "Hey, for real?! They're just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh!?...We live on the land, we don't live underwater."

--- courtesy of a few