The dichotomous relationship between watching the world move on while I am stuck in a place of agony and in the same moment I have been in since July 29th, and perhaps before, is such a difficult thing to comprehend. The more I feel sad and pain the closer I feel to her. It isnt that I feel guilt for attempting to move on, its that when I cry and feel sad I feel like I am still with her. I guess I just need to figure out ways to be with her without being destructive. I have been more productive today than all of the past 8 weeks combined however I think that is simply because it is out of necessity. I am leaving in less than 2 days, so packing is a must. I hope one day I will be with her again. All of this would be so much easier if I knew that to be true.