Of all the people I have come across in my life, and of everyone that has ever mattered to me, how is it possible that this happened to her? Not that I would wish this upon anyone, but why her? I don't know if people understand when I say that I would rather it be me than her. I would have rather me gone through the trauma for those 58 days if it meant that she would be alright.

It is beyond missing her. It is hard to explain, but it just hurts so much when my brain and body allow me to realize the severity of the situation.

So upon reading the stages of grief and mourning right now I see that I am still in the first stage. "Shock is the first stage of numbness, disbelief and unreality." Her accident was on the 29th of July and she died on September 23rd. According to this website, I have another seven stages to go through.

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Share the time again
I spend with you
A friend is always good to have
But a lover's kiss is better than angels raining down on me
I dream of you at times when your by my side
Dream you're not just like you are
So troubled and doubling my pain
Just one more tear
I shed for you
I wish that I could climb inside your mind
And spend some time and hug and hold you
And mold you into what I'd like
But I know I can't do this
Just a kiss to spend a while by you
And your familiar smile and voice
I lay awake
Then you lean back and smiling
On you
Most everything I do for you, I say
And the while let's make our way
And feel warm
In the middle of this storm with you
Like an angel
Oh, what friends say is good is right
I say
When you were again
And you were my friend
Before this
This one
Say yes I do
And with you
Sometimes
But while I do my best
With all the rest I leave to you
Can't wait for the hour
And when two things become this
All this trouble from a kiss from you, I'll do it
And then you come up smiling
And I'm thrown
Into I get a little storm with you, I'll do it
Always
Lover, line up and yeah
The road to you is long and I've been on it for a while
And a need a warm embrace
I'll take a break
And say I want to leave you awake
Always

I feel tired...

dm