I have decided to stop drinking alcohol, and it is something that will probably be pretty difficult. It just doesn't help me at all, in any way. All it does is prevent me from working through this process. It is not healthy, and never has been. I am doing it for many reasons, one of which is for her. We made a promise to each other that we wouldn't drink. We both had our problems at times keeping that promise, and it ended up costing many of us an unfathomable amount of grief when it was broken a few months ago. I have to keep that promise to her, and to me, in order to be as healthy as possible. I have had too many drinks lately, with the sole purpose being the need to simply pass out without thinking of anything. I can't even remember the last drink I had, as I was already way to drunk. I am done with that, and am making that promise once again to her that I will not continue damaging myself.


Sometimes I feel like I played a part in her death. I have no idea why she was drinking that much, and it tortures me everyday to think about it.



passed; having completed the act of passing.
away; from this or that place; off: to go away.
2. aside; to another place; in another direction: to turn your eyes away; to turn away customers
3. far; apart: away back; away from the subject.
4. out of one's possession or use: to give money away.
5. out of existence or notice; into extinction: to fade away; to idle away the morning.
6. incessantly or relentlessly; repeatedly: He kept hammering away.


Please stop saying she "passed away." She didnt pass away. She died after 58 days of seizures and tremors, and after her body shut down. It was absolute agony.